The Sample

My 85-year-old neighbor was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave Tom jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day Tom returned to the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked my 85-year-old neighbor what happened and Tom explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left hand, then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Marie, our next door neighbor and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor to help with that?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, but none of us could get the jar open.